I have started and stopped this post five times so far, because every time I try to start telling you about the fruit cake I made (and loved) last week, I am overcome with the feeling that it is nothing less than obscene of me to be writing about food and holidays and other such similar nonsense when the details of this story refuse to leave my mind's eye.
The thing is, I am so angry. I'm sad, yes, but tangibly, physically, speaking, I am filled with rage. Trembly, white-hot rage. I am so sick of these guns, these guns that pollute the United States, that threaten our schools and movie theaters, of the disgusting hypocrisy of politicians who bleat and bray about the sanctity of life when it comes to the contents of a woman's womb, but are silent – silent – when a classful of children are murdered, all shot multiple times, in a matter of minutes. The craven dishonesty, the glibness behind lines like "guns don't kill people, people kill people" revolt me. Tell that line to any of the parents who were ushered into a separate room last week once all the living children of the Sandy Hook elementary school had been reunited with their parents. Tell that to the children, the babies, really, who hid in a closet silently while their classmates were slaughtered on the other side of the door. Just the thought of children staring down big, black guns loaded with round after round of ammunition in their school and my heart races with fear and revulsion, but mostly rage.
I personally am of the persuasion that guns should not be available to the citizenry at all. That the Second Amendment has long outlived its purpose. I realize I am in the minority among my fellow citizens and that's alright. But what is not alright is that ordinary Americans are being made to live in fear because of the refusal of our politicans to deal with what should be matters of common sense. What is not alright is that once again we all are left to wonder how many more children will be killed before any meaningful change takes place. What is not alright is that the gun lobby has more money and power than any of the other players at the table, unfairly skewing the debate before it even starts.
When I sit back and take a breath, it feels futile and silly to write all this down. What on earth will my little rant do? It will not bring back the dead, it will not comfort the survivors, it will not effect any political change. It's simply more noise added to an already cacophonous exchange that flares up with each incident and then dies down again when the heat cools off. And that may be the worst thing of all.
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119 responses to “The Shootings”
Thank you. It’s not silly at all to write this. We’ll continue to be pissed off and make noise until policy change does happen. This incident was different, the heat will not cool off this time. I’m setting aside work today and writing letters to all of my representatives and state elected officials, and if anybody has ideas for concrete actions we as parents can take now—like this week—to work on starting to make things better I want to hear about it. Gun control (and yes, access to state mental health facilities) has suddenly become a parenting issue, and it has to become a voting issue—and not just for the other side.
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Dear Luisa,
You say that it is futile and silly to write, but it helps very much, every time, to read a piece that says, in essence, Things Are Not All Right. We Are Not OK With This.
We live about eighty miles south of Newtown. I stood outside my fifth-grader’s school on Friday afternoon wanting to weep with gratitude at the simple sight of happy kids leaving after a basic, humdrum day. And I felt angry that I should have to feel gratitude for this.
When my daughters were younger I could try to reassure them by saying don’t worry, that was a very strange, unusual thing that happened, it will not happen here. But they are older now, and so am I. And when the older one, a high-school freshman, looks me in the eye and asks, “Mom, what use are all the security drills, do you think?” I have no more words. Because what can you say? That statistically it still isn’t as likely to happen at her school? That the drill procedures do save lives, provided you aren’t the unlucky classroom that is the first one in the gunman’s path? None of it is good enough.
I cannot accept that this is the way things must always be.
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I would have liked to hear about your fruitcake. It isn’t obscene to write about normal everyday things even when these things happen.
On the other hand, I really like this post you wrote. Everything you say is correct. I don’t see any easy solution to this problem and it is an endless cycle that repeats itself.
Shooting –> outrage –> nothing changes –> people forget –> shooting –> back to outrage.. and on, and on.
Maybe the guy in the Whitehouse right now has the opportunity (last term doesn’t have to worry about re-election) to try and do something.. but I don’t know how easy that might be.
After this shooting happened I had a horrible dream. And I realised on waking up that my dream might be the only way that anything would change on this subject.
I dreamed of a party, of 500 people present, all dressed in black tie and gorgeous dresses.
I dreamed of a gunman dressed in a complete kevlar bodysuit (impervious to gunfire) opening fire at this party, with guns that just mowed people down. It was awful.
The few people who could manage it pulled out their guns and tried to take down the shooter, but because of the bodysuit none of their bullets made any kind of dent.
It turned out this was a NRA party, of their highest donors and staff and people those in the NRA respected and cared about. Hundreds of people died. The shooter survived – and disappeared. Nobody knew who it was.
And in the end, those who survived, and those who were left, all decided that to carry a gun was not a right, that we no longer lived in the wild west or olden days, and that there should be change. And change happened. Guns were restricted to farmers and to get a gun for any other reason was a lengthy and strict process – like it already is in most other civilised countries.
In some ways that was a horrible dream, and in some ways it was a beautiful dream.
Anyway I don’t know why your post inspired this from me, I have kept my mouth well shut on this issue. 🙂 But I read what you said, and I was reminded of my dream, so I’m putting it out there.. scary as that might be..
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yes!!! GUN CONTROL now!!!!!!
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Yes! I’m with you.
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Well said chica. It needs saying a million times more. Let’s hope the law changes.
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Thank you for this (and in particular the poem in the photo at the top.)
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I thank you for writing it.
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You’ve put into words so many of the feelings I have – the inability to allow myself to acknowledge any joy at the moment, knowing what those families in Connecticut are feeling.
And KNOW that there ARE millions of Americans who like you, are outraged and sickened by the guns and culture of guns in this nation. I am embarrassed by our country, and know that globally, so many see the gun violence in the US and believe that we are c r a z y .
Thank you so much Luisa. I am going to share that poem on my Facebook page, the first posting I will be able to make since I learned the news Friday.
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Thank you Luisa, from me too. As small as our anger may feel to ourself, it adds up. It completes with the anger and the questions others put in words. It is good to read your words, to at least, not feel alone. Not being alone gives strength.
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Naw, shout it out. Too often these blog spaces get all hemmed in with what is acceptable content that won’t offend anybody. Fruitcake, for example. We love to hear about what you’re eating, but when your stomach turns, I respect so much that you are unwilling to fake an appetite.
As for me, living in the Western US, related to hunters and people who raise and slaughter their own meat, and a great appreciator of meat that is wild or comes from outside the established system, it is hard to say that guns should all go away. Should they be in homes? Should my brother be able to get a new one tomorrow if he likes? I don’t think so.
Finding out what we think, and what others think, and really talking about what risks we are taking with our so called freedoms – I do think this has its affect, that eventually we can take down the lobby. It’s what is happening with gay rights now in the States – popular opinion changing with exposure and information, and eventually the fear-mongers can’t control it all. Keep shouting. I think they’ll hear us.
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Thank you for writing this. You very eloquently said what I am feeling. I agree with you 100 percent. And I am one of those Americans who truly fears for my 18-month-old daughter’s future.
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“He who is silent is presumed to consent.” We must speak up against this horrible trend. I’m glad you wrote your post. I feel that a lot of people think we need to sweep it under the rug and be “positive” for the sake of not being argumentative. We have a problem, and we need to fix it.
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I think the more rants, no matter which side of the line they fall on, are needed in order for politicians to understand they need to implement changes.
Gun control is a tricky beast and I’m not sure what I think about it. But what has been on my mind since hearing this news are the violent video games and movies of ‘today’. What is available today as ‘entertainment’ where people just shoot other people for any and every reason…these weren’t as prominent when I was a kid (I’m a child of the 70’s). Perhaps we need to look again at not only how guns get into the hands of these folks, but how the ideas get there as well.
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I don’t own guns, but I live in a state with many responsible gun owners. There ARE two sides to every issue, and I think people who don’t acknowledge this are fooling themselves. My heart breaks for those families. I was up all night crying, because I couldn’t get those children’s faces out of my head, but a similar thing happened in china and the attacker had a knife. Guns in this country are meant for protection. There are 300 Million guns in the US and for better or worse I would rather have them in the hands of registered owners than illegally owned by gang members and criminals to use on defenseless victims. I appreciate your ideology and think that the world would be better without guns, but criminals will always find a way to obtain guns. Its the law abiding people who won’t have them. I feel tremendous sorrow right now and I am saddened when I hear people use this tragedy to scream political opinions at me on social media, on both sides of the gun issue. It is a time of sadness, reflection, love and rationally trying to come together and solve these problems. NOT anger, resentment, division and blame. I hope we can all have compassion for the victims’ families in this Holiday season, because love and kindness are the only thing that can keep these horrible actions from happening.
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Dear Luisa-
Your honesty is important, and your post resonates with me. I’m sad and full of rage, and either dominates at any given moment. But you are right to post how you feel, and I thank you for it.
We have such responsibility to do the right thing. I feel helpless to do much more than call my elected representatives– which I have done. If anyone has any good ideas…
Thanks for writing so well what so many feel.
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I, for one, am thankful for your words. I was thinking about it this weekend, when someone’s response was: “gun control won’t work. People will still get their hands on guns if they really want to,” and I thought about how this differs so widely from other such restrictions, such as the minimum drinking age or even the legal driving age. Guess what? Kids still drink long before they are 21, but having a legal age certainly curbs certain behavior. We can’t just do nothing; it’s absolutely unacceptable. Let’s hope that all of our voices are heard louder than ever before.
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Luisa, just wanted to let you know that your post prompted me to finally pick up the phone and call the White House. I’ve been distraught about the tragedy but hadn’t had the heart to to try to do anything about it yet. So I thank you for the encouragement. And (although it’s hard to say for sure that our calls will do anything) I’d like to remind everyone else who’s angry and heartbroken to speak out to your elected officials and make your opinions heard.
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I wrote a post about green beans today, because I did not want to read, write or talk about the 2nd amendment and the shootings.
I live an hour from the shootings in NJ, and we all feel the pain of the victims’ families and are sick over it.
There are no easy answers, is the guns? is it mental illness? is it video games? We as a society, politicians aside, have to come up with some answers.
Enough already.
Please tell me about your fruitcake.
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The situation will not change until the voice of those against the right to bear arms becomes too loud to ignore. Perhaps you are the minority in the U.S. but your neighbours up here in Canada stand behind you and so, I think, do people all over the world.
I feel that a major part of the problem is that many people are just too afraid to speak out, too afraid that they don’t truly understand the politics, afraid that they will be alienated and ridiculed for taking a stance. But for every voice that speaks out, many more will also be given the courage to stand up. With someone to stand behind, the number of people who abhor guns as much as you do will have the strength to speak their minds.
I commend all of those who have a wide reaching voice who use that voice to speak out against the wrongs in the world even when they risk alienation.
Thank you for voicing an opinion that many of us also share but are unsure of how to express.
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Hi Luisa,
I don’t think it’s pointless of you to write all that. And I agree. Here in the US, (or at least on my facebook feed), the debate is raging – should this tragedy lead to more gun control? The right wing of course says, “NO! What does a mass shooting have to do with gun control?” and then, typically, to take the attention away from the real issue, “This is really about prayer in public school.” (I shit you not, this is what people have been saying. That if prayer wasn’t banned from public school, things like this wouldn’t happen. Well, from a strictly legal p.o.v., prayer in public school hasn’t been banned – schools, as arms of the government just aren’t allowed to enforce it. From a common sense p.o.v., what the bloody hell are you talking about?!) The right wing has also said, in unison, “This isn’t the time to discuss gun control.” Or, “This is really about mental health issues.” Or, “This is really about ANYTHING else. Just not guns.”
It’s sound and fury signifying nothing, of course. Of course it’s really about guns, and gun control. And of course the Second Amendment has outlived its usefulness. It was ratified to justify a fledgling nation fighting back, revolting, against its King. It was an after-the-fact, hey-it’s-totally-ok-that-we-just-committed-treason, we’re-gonna-justify-our-actions Amendment. Also, the term “well-armed militia” referred to white dudes with muskets. There is no way the founding fathers could have imagined the type of weapon that was used last week. There is no reason at all, ever, for a citizen to own a semi-automatic assault rifle. No reason.
The nation that the right wing wants us to live in is one where anyone, at any time, can take a gun, maybe one that they already own (and maybe even have a concealed weapons permit for), or just one from the store – because we have stores that sell guns to the public, and bring it anywhere, a school, a movie theater, the mall, a friend’s house, their workplace, and start killing people. The power is entirely in the hands of whoever owns, or can gain access to, a gun. Is that the kind of world we want to live in? I don’t know about you, but I don’t trust anyone with that kind of power. Individual liberty be damned; that puts the entire community at harm, their safety at the whim of crazy people. Crazy people with GUNS.
I used to think that the right wing was being especially paranoid when they’d say stuff like, “You can take my guns over my cold, dead body,” or “President Obama wants to take our guns.” I would always chuckle and say to myself, “Jeez guy, relax, no one wants your guns.” But now? Yep, I want your guns.
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Happy to hear your anger, which is a lot like mine. I’m with the earlier commenter who said “We love to hear about what you’re eating, but when your stomach turns, I respect so much that you are unwilling to fake an appetite.” (Anyway, though I don’t mind reading about it, I don’t like fruitcake… 🙂 )
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Preach, sister. I, too, did not feel comfortable writing about my weekend in the wake of this maddening, horrifying devastation. I can only hope that in my lifetime, I will not have to worry about sending my (future) children to school.
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Thanks for having the courage to speak your mind on gun control. I think the majority of those of us who feel the same are afraid to speak up about it.
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Sadly I’ll have to stop reading your blog and won’t bother finishing your book. Guns are not the problem here.
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Oh, Eden. Twenty-two children were injured in the knife attack in Guangshan, and every single one of them got to go home to their families. Alive.
I suspect the families of the Connecticut victims wouldn’t agree with you that that was a “similar thing”.
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You wrote what I have been thinking/feeling. I am glad you had the courage to say it. We all must stand up and push back against the lobbyists that don’t have our safety at heart. There are responsible gun owners sure, but how many have to die before we put priority on safety vs. gun rights. How many?!
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Thank you for your honest and appropriate post. In the wake of this tragedy, it has been so difficult to calmly articulate our sadness and anger. The poem you chose exemplifies our duty to the dead, and reminds us to live everyday to the fullest. Thank you.
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You have most clearly articulated everything I’ve been thinking and feeling the past few days. We all have to speak up–this can never happen again.
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It will take a long time for the americans to realize that all this easy access to guns don’t have consequences. How many more shootings have to be made to do something about it? Everyone has access to a gun, every kid can find a gun so easily. Jesus! Guns are not a game.
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Thank you very much for this. I was conflicted before turning a planned cookie blog into a statement on my owns experience with gun violence, something I have not shared much, and a call to action. I believe what you have done is the only appropriate response. (http://culinarypromiscuity.com/sandy-hook-instead-of-holiday-cookies-my-own-familys-shooting-and-gun-laws/)
I have a little apartment in Prenzlauer Berg and would love to meet you the next time I can get into it.
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This is beautifully written and I am of the same opinion as you. Thank for such an honest post. I hope we are not just voices in the wilderness this time.
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Thanks for these powerful words, Luisa. I am from Sweden, but live in the UK, both countries with strict gun control and where incidents like this are relatively unheard of. So many people over here also feel so terribly saddened by what happened at Sandy Hook and are also completely baffled that, despite so many of these shootings, there is still such a strong sentiment against gun control in the United States.
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I cannot agree more. I weep for those children and school staff, and shake with rage. I know there must be many of us, but nonetheless I’m glad to know I have company.
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I agree completely with your well said post. After living in Germany for 10 years, I returned to an America that I don’t really know (or maybe one that always existed, but is now seen through different eyes). I’m embarrassed by our country’s violent media, video games, and society. There is a better way.
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You have written with such eloquence and passion about this terrible tragedy. I hope that this article travels far and wide and influences all who read it(I’m reading this in Australia). It’s an enormous task awaiting Barack Obama, but people like yourself make an invaluable contribution to the effort.
Thank you.
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This was so awesome. So, so, so, well said. As the daughter of a former law enforcement officer, who carried a gun every day, those are the only people who need guns. Why on earth does any citizen need a semi-automatic weapon? Give me one good reason. Seriously.
Again, well said and I feel the same fury and rage you do. What a waste of beautiful, precious, innocent life.
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Luisa, I share your feelings of rage. How many times does this have to happen before the US changes its gun laws? If the brutal murder of so many small children and the teachers and staff to whom they were entrusted is not enough to lead to real and lasting change, what will it take?
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I share your rage. Well said.
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Thank you for this. I have found myself so angry today with all the “it’s too soon to talk about gun control” people. When are we going to talk about it? After the next mass murder or the next or the next? NOW is the time to talk about it and to DO SOMETHING about it. I urge all in the U.S. to sign this petition: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/immediately-address-issue-gun-control-through-introduction-legislation-congress/2tgcXzQC
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I appreciate your honest post, and I think that we are all deeply disturbed by this tragedy. I am not sure “rage” is the right approach though. Rage is what caused this awful thing and does not solve anything. We need to come together and listen in order to solve this issue, whether it be through gun, control, psychological help, and social support. It may sound corny, but I really believe getting off our computers, phones, and tvs and reaching out to those around us personally and face to face will make the world so much better. Please post your recipe and we can bake it and take one to our neighbors and loved ones. That is why I visit this blog.
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Thank you for writing what I have been feeling for days.
Maybe this horrible act will now call those in power to action.
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Beautifully put.
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This sort of tragedy can make so many of us speechless.
I’m so glad that you were able to put in to words what many of us are thinking.
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Amen to this post – I have discovered since I became a mother a year ago I both cannot watch/read the news without weeping openly about things but also my anger about stuff like this has heightened to an intense degree. I want to fix things for my little boy before he has to go out and face the world and all that he might have to encounter.
I live in the UK where after the Hungerford massacre in 1987, semi-automatic weapons were banned, magazine capacities for rifles were limited to three (in most states in the US there is no limit) and after the Dunblane primary school massacre the government effectively banned all private ownership of handguns. The laws are so strict that a special temporary exception had to be put in place for the 2012 Olympics pistol shooting events – the British pistol shooting team trains in Switzerland.
And YES to Eve’s response above to Eden’s comment. Sadly there will always be people with mental illness among us – no matter how well resourced the health service is, how universal its coverage or how far we move away from the stigma that prevents people seeking help. And as far as I know none of these shooters were “criminals” before their acts of violence – everyone’s a responsible gun owner until all of a sudden they are irresponsible but at that point it’s too late.
What we can do is make sure that if someone snaps, the seriousness of injuries they can inflict on others – and the number of others they can harm within a short space of time – are limited by the choice of weapons immediately available to them at that time.
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Thank you, thank you for this very heartfelt and courageous post.
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Yes. Exactly. But instead of anger I just feel weary. Maybe because I am a public defender in the Chicagoland area. And I see every variety of gun crimes in court daily. The sheer number of guns and the amount of gun crimes that happen just a few miles from the near West Chicago Suburb where I live would blow people’s mind. Less than 10 miles from where I send my boys safely to school, people are robbed and shot on a daily basis. And most times I am numb to what that really means. But there are days when, for example I see the young boy, 17, charged with a gun case who has spent the last 4 months walking home from school terrorized from the gang members on his corner. A boy who finally gets a gun to scare them off and then finds himself in the police station telling them that he didn’t know what else to do. How can that happen miles from my safe leafy neighborhood? The magnitude of Friday’s shooting is of course beyond comprehension. But I see little pieces of tragedies and horrors every day. This very morning one of my client’s sister called me to tell me that he wouldn’t make it to court. He was in surgery after being shot 3 times. This was not the first time i’ve gotten a call like that. SO I am so weary. But I am more than willing to get on board with some angry people who have their eye on some real change You have to speak out. I believe that every voice counts. thank you.
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Yes! Thank you for posting this. I have been so angry and sad and outraged and just about every emotion out there. This is not alright. We need to open the dialogue so that these people did not die in vain. I’m tired of hearing “now is not the time, show some respect.” Respect would mean not letting this sort of thing happen again. That would be meaningful. We need to look at all the different angles and take on the difficult task ahead. I read somewhere today that if your first response to reading that 20 children were shot dead was “oh no Obama/the govt is going to take away my guns,” your priorities as a human being suck. Rant on sister. Rant on.
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Well said Luisa. I am heartened and reassured to see that so many people agree with you – outside of the US (I am in New Zealand) it seems obvious that, in a country with more guns per head of population than anywhere else and such a high rate of gun deaths, guns are the problem. But then I was stopped in my tracks by this comment:
Now I am starting to see what the problem is and why the whole issue seems so insurmountable.
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ah, the comment dropped off – the one I was quoting was as follows: Sadly I’ll have to stop reading your blog and won’t bother finishing your book. Guns are not the problem here.
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